Keeping it Real, Grad School Style

So last week kind of kicked my trash.  I had approached the week thinking this is going to be a piece of cake.  Normally in my Quantitative methods class I have 2 major assignments due, however last week there was only one seemingly minor assignment (until I read the instructions).  Also in my Managerial Communications class we had just a paper and a power point presentation to put together, I actually kind of enjoy writing papers; those assignments are easy for me.  So I thought well I have Monday off work I’ll be able to get all my work done and be free and light the rest of the week. 

Funny how things never seem to work out the way you think they will.  Monday came and I decided to sleep in a little bit, and I woke up just in time to join my sister in law at a body pump class.  After that I ran a few errands and by the time I got home, it was lunchtime.  As many of you know I have missionaries for my church living with me, and Monday is their P-Day (their “day off”) and this particular p-day was one of the missionaries last days off as a missionary.  So we decided to all go out to lunch as a sort of farewell.  However due to that sidetrack, I wasn’t home until around 3 and when I sat down to work on my assignment I ended up taking a nap, when I woke up it was time to go to my parents for a family get together/bonfire.  So my completely free day to get all my assignments done was gone just like that.

That’s ok, I’m going on week 3 of no over time required in my job, and so I get off work at 2:30, plenty of time to work on my assignments during the week.  However one thing always led to another and I found myself Friday night starting to freak out a little because I didn’t have the paper written, or any of the assignments done.  I had to miss out on a friend’s bridal shower because of my magnificent ability to procrastinate.  Luckily I did get my quantitative methods assignment completed Friday night, and then after running lots of errands on Saturday I found myself working until about 11:30pm to get my paper and power point completed.  I don’t have high hopes for my grades in relation to these assignments, but I’m glad I got them done. 

What’s interesting is I noticed (at the end of the week) why I had such a hard time focusing and getting things done… you ready for it?  I “forgot” to delete my social media apps at the beginning of the week.  I have been doing this no social media experiment during the week for a couple of weeks, and I decided that I could probably use it in moderation.  However I learned that isn’t the case, I have a social media addiction.  Now you may notice me still posting during the week, but that’s not from my phone, my phone is social media app free during the week.  Sometimes I’ll get on Facebook at the end of the day when all my work is done, but only from my computer.  And if that starts to become too distracting I will stop doing even that. 

But another thing I noticed this last week was I was blessed in having my paper and presentation come together the way it did.  I made a promise to myself and God that I will not do homework on Sundays.  My mom always told us about how she did that when she went back to school and it always blessed her life.  When I first started college I didn’t stick to that 100% but always tried to not do work on Sunday.  However after my mission I made a goal to get all As for the rest of my college career, to do this I made a promise to never do work on Sundays, that often meant waking up at 4 or 5 in the morning to finish up work left over, but I’ll tell you this… I hit my goal of all As. 

As I’m now starting my grad school career, I’d love to get all As, but I’m not sure that will happen, however I am keeping my commitment to not do any home work on Sundays, which meant I had to work super fast to get everything done by the end of Saturday night.  As hard and stressful as it was I’m incredibly proud of myself (is that ok to say) that I was able to stick to my commitment. 

This week is going a lot smoother if you are wondering, I have in fact finished all my assignments for the week and even though I have a few random things I have to do throughout the week to be “present” in my online classes I’m basically free for the rest of this week and it’s an amazing feeling!! I’m even making plans to start working on next week’s assignments this week so I can continue being stress free.

It is hard to make a commitment to not do work on Sundays; it takes a lot of faith.  However I can promise form experience that God keeps all His promises, if we keep ours.  One of my take aways from this last general conference was we need to make a better effort to keep the Sabbath day holy.  What are ways you are keeping the Sabbath day holy?

I can't leave Prim out, she won't let me!

How 5 elephants helped me stay safely on the edge

Over the last year I have felt overwhelming bouts of stress and anxiety.  I knew I needed to make changes in my life but didn’t know where to start.  I would read blogs, articles, and anything I could find to try and see what I could try to maybe help me with this anxiety, and also my desire to change the direction my life was headed.  One thing I kept reading about was acupuncture.  When I first started reading about acupuncture I thought, but do people really do that? I hadn’t had any experience or knowledge of this being practiced around here.  Then I heard my sister talk about how she goes to get acupuncture and how much she likes it.  So I started to see if there were any places here in Louisville and how much it would cost.  Unfortunately acupuncture can be very expensive so when I saw that I just put it on the back burner.  I had mentioned to my mom that I wanted to try it sometime, but it was just too expensive. 

One day back earlier this year my mom found out about this health center opening up and they were doing an open house and offering free “samples” of the services they provide.  One of the services they provide is acupuncture, so my mom and I went to check out this open house and we were able to try a mini session.  I told the person doing the acupuncture (Becky Flynn) about my stress and anxiety, and my mom told her about how she has really bad sinuses.  Becky then chose a few points for both my mom and I and then we just had to sit very still for about 15-20 min.  My mom said that as soon as one of the needles went in she could feel her ear open up from some of the built up sinus pressure.  I didn’t notice anything right in the moment, but I also wasn’t really expecting to feel anything.  Stress and anxiety are so hard to measure, I didn’t know if I’d notice a difference.  However on the drive home I felt about 20lbs lighter, I could tell a major difference. 

My mom and I decided we wanted to keep going and see how this could help us with our physical aches and pains, but we soon found out that the health center was still too expensive for what I could afford.  But then Becky told us she has her own practice outside the health clinic and she offers a sliding scale pricing, to make it affordable for anyone needing acupuncture.  As soon as we found this out we started going to see her.  My mom and I went regularly for 4 weeks and then we took a bit of a break. 

One of my biggest concerns about trying to start eating healthier, is I couldn’t control my hunger.  I would try to eat less and eat healthier but then I’d just get so hungry I couldn’t stand it.  I mentioned this to Becky, and told her about how I was starting to meet with a nutritionist and I wanted to have more energy and desire to make these choices.  I honestly believe that getting acupuncture has helped me get to the point that I am right now. 

I started writing this blog post a couple weeks ago, and because of how busy I am during the week I have had to work on this only on the weekends.  I’m so glad it’s taken me a little while to get this together because I have liked acupuncture ever since I started, but after this week I LOVE acupuncture. 

I have been so stressed about doing school full time and work more than full time, and I had my first test in my stats class this last week.  During my undergrad at BYU-Idaho I had a routine that I did before every test, I would go to the temple the day before and the day of I would get a Jamba juice.  So I stuck with that routine, I went to the temple Thursday night, and then I had an acupuncture appointment Friday afternoon, my plan was to take the test right after my appointment, and her office is very close to a smoothie king so I was planning on getting a smoothie on my way home.

I joked with my mom about hopefully Becky can help me with being prepared for my test, and then when I went to my appointment I mentioned that I had a test that day.   Becky then stated she was glad I told her about my test because she would do some brain boosting points.  She also addressed my stress, and I mentioned how unbelievably tired I was, and that I had a horrible headache that just wouldn’t go away.

I left that appointment with absolutely no traces of a headache (and trust me it was a really really bad one), I was so wide awake that I didn’t even go to bed until around midnight that night, and I wasn’t even a little tired.  When I went into that appointment I was so tired I was questioning if I could even take my test because I felt my brain shutting down.  And my stress was basically gone.  I was able to take my test when I got home, and while I didn’t get a perfect score (that would require a miracle haha) I did sooooo much better on my test than I ever anticipated.

 

Excuse me while I go set up appointments for the day of my tests for the rest of the semester… I’ve definitely found a new thing to add to my pre-test routines J.

I’m not saying this is a cure all, and that I never feel stress and anxiety anymore.  What I am saying is it has helped me come a long way in the last 4-5 months I have been going. Another thing I love about this whole experience is Becky, she is so helpful in explaining what she’s doing, and why she does what she does.  Honestly if you live in the Louisville area and are even a little bit curious about acupuncture you should check her out. 

Whenever I tell people that I get acupuncture their eyes get real big and the first thing they ask is but doesn’t it hurt? Isn’t weird to have needles sticking out of you? Well let me tell you, it doesn’t hurt, not really.  Honestly there have been a few times, and a few pressure points that do hurt, I’m not gonna lie.  But the majority of the time I don’t feel anything, and if I do it’s like someone lightly snapping a rubber band on your wrist, it stings but quickly goes away. 

 

I honestly feel like going to get acupuncture has helped me keep my stress and anxiety down, has helped me stay motivated and focused on my trying to eat healthier and be healthier.  I used to get headaches daily, and I took medicine every day to prevent these headaches, yet I’d still get them. I have since run out of the medicine and I was scared of not being able to get it renewed, but when I have gone to get acupuncture I am able to keep the headaches under control without the medicine.

I still very much believe in modern medicine and going to the doctor and taking medicine, but I also feel like if there is a way to get and feel better without medicine, I’d like to try that too. 

Below, and scattered throughout this post are some pics of when I got acupuncture the last couple of times, I often not only get the traditional acupuncture with needles and stuff, but I also get a treatment called Gua Sha.  

 I have pics of what my skin looks like after that, and it honestly looks a lot more painful than it is.  I can’t even describe how much I love Gua Sha.  I’m sure many of you have gotten that pesky crick in your neck from sleeping on it wrong or twisting it just the wrong way.  I do all the time, and I’ve gone to chiropractors to try and get it worked out, and I’ve gotten massages to try and get it worked out, and while I love both the chiropractor and getting a massage, I have never had that crick in my neck go away faster than I have with the Gua Sha technique.  She also does a technique called moxa, and I’ve had this done a couple of times and it has serious instant boosts of energy.

I can't say enough good things about my experience with acupuncture and I suggest it to anyone who listens... seriously guys give it a try... and especially if you live near or in the Louisville area check our Becky Flynn and her practice 5 Elephants (isn't that the cutest name).  And I promise she will take great care of you!! And one of the best parts, it's so very affordable!!   

This is the moxibustion therapy.  I'm not exactly sure how it works, but the two times I've had this done I have left with so much energy it's unreal!!

Thoughts and Ramblings from the Edge

Well life has been crazy!! I knew it would get messy once school started, but man has it gotten messy!! I'm realizing that even though I worked 60 hours a week before I had a lot more free time than I gave myself credit for, now that I'm working 55-60 hours a week, trying to complete the iron man challenge and now I'm doing classes full time I don't know how I'm gonna keep up!! Today I planned out my week and I don't have a minute of time to just relax!!

This weekend however I made time to "relax" which was during the 8 hours of conference I had the incredible opportunity to experience.

First I started out my Saturday in the best way possible, at the Down Syndrome of Louisville event where I walked a 4K.  I'm hoping next year I'll actually be able to run it, however this year I did improve greatly on my time and performance form last year.  Last year I was totally not in shape and I remember having to stop and rest often and came well in last place, I was also in a ton of pain the rest of the day and the next day.  This year I didn't need to stop and rest even once, and my friend Valerie and I didn't come in last place... I'm pretty sure there were at least 5-6 people still behind us!! Also I wasn't sore at all, in fact I had wanted to stop at the gym to do some biking to finish up the Iron Man challenge I'm working on but I didn't have the time.

 My friend Valerie was so nice and came to support our team and be my walking buddy, even though it was FREEZING!!

This is Ruby's original poster, I was obviously excited to see it.

The reason I didn't have time to go to the gym was because every 6 months my church has a general conference where all the members around the world gather to watch the Prophet and Apostles speak to us over many hours on Saturday and Sunday.  It is my favorite weekend of the year and I feel real sadness every time the last prayer is said on Sunday.

I'll admit though I didn't always feel this way about conference, I always loved conference weekend because when I was little it usually meant my cousins coming in and being able to play all weekend, but as I got older and watched it I don't feel like I truly appreciated the sacredness of conference until I was out on my own at college and I got to choose for myself how I was going to make conference apart of my life.  I gained an even deeper appreciation of conference during my mission, and this deep appreciation has not gotten any dimmer since I've been home.

This has been one of my favorite conferences of my life time, it's hard to pick a favorite talk, but I could probably narrow down my top 2 favorite sessions, the general women's session and the Saturday morning session were my top 2.

While I know I'm not "old" at the age of 28, however being 28 and single in the Mormon church, you could say I'm practically an old maid.  I absolutely love my single status, I know it's not something my parents probably want to hear, but I do enjoy being single, I'm a very independent person and I think if I ever do meet a guy who is crazy enough to want to marry me it will be hard for me to settle down.  Those are things I'm working out... don't worry I know it's a commandment to get married and all that jazz.

However with all that being said, it can be a little hard or discouraging to be single in the church.  There is such an emphasis on strong marriages and families, as there should be I believe.  But I often feel like the single people of the church get over looked, like oh this is just a temporary part in your life, lets focus on the more important members.  I know that is not true, trust me I'm not trying to play a pity card here or anything. But sitting through talk after talk, and lesson after lesson on marriage and how hard it is to be a mom and things like that, it can wear a person down.  I do have to do a shout out for my ward family however, they do an amazing job of making me feel loved and included even though I don't have a husband and kids.

But I just want to use that little bit of background to emphasize how absolutely AMAZING the general women's session of conference was.  All those feelings I've ever felt of being a "second rate Mormon" were totally washed away as I listened to talk after talk, and watched 2 videos highlighting single sisters.  I saw and felt and knew in that moment that this is a church for everyone, no matter what marital status you are.  I am not alone, my God knows who I am and what my struggles are intimately.

I felt like this entire conference was written and given just for me, and I know just about everyone else who watched this conference feels the same way.  I already love the 3 new apostles who were sustained this conference and I can't wait to get to know them better.  I loved the talks on women and mothers, the talks about the Atonement and Sabbath day observance, the talks about the plan of salvation, trials and progression.  I feel renewed, rejuvenated and ready to do better and be better.

My heart ached seeing 3 of the Apostles I've seen sitting up on that stand my whole life not there, but I also rejoiced in all the talks that mentioned these men and how amazing they were.  I cried watching President Monson's strength fail him right in front of our eyes.  I love him so much and can't even imagine the weight on his shoulders and the pain he is in from missing his beloved wife Frances.  I adored the children's choir on Saturday and seeing those two little boys in the front row holding hands was just about the cutest thing I saw.  There were so many big and little moments of conference that I feel will be forever etched in my mind.

I have renewed my conviction to keep the Sabbath day holy, and I want to try to find ways that I can be better at it.  I have decided to take up the challenge given by Elder Larry R Lawrence of the 70 in the first session to ask the Lord in sincere prayer what I lack and what is keeping me from progressing (admittedly this is something I'm nervous about doing).  I've also committed to "ponderize" a scripture a week. I will strive to always be temple worthy, and I have made specific goals on how I can attend more regularly.  These are just a few things I have taken away from conference and committed myself to do, however they are not the only things I have committed to trying.  If I listed everything I got out of conference this post would be way too long, and also more personal than I'm willing to share.


What were some of your favorite parts of conference? What are some of the things you feel more committed to do going forward? I'm already planning on re-watching conference this week, and I can't wait! If you haven't had the chance to watch it I recommend it, these talks are great no matter where you are in life, check them out here: lds.org

Just a pic of Prim enjoying conference with me :)

Pushing beyond the "Edge"

Hey guys, I'm not a very good blogger, I'm so sporadic with posts and what kinds of posts.  I guess that means only the most dedicated will be reading my blog, however all are welcome to read!  I have two topics I want to talk about today and they are not very related.

First, I mentioned in my last post that I was going to be doing a Fe (Iron) Man challenge over the course of a month.  This means from today Sept 11 through October 11th I need to walk 26.2 miles, swim 2.4 miles and bike 112 miles!!! Now I try to take Prim on a walk every day, and our walks are usually at least a mile long, and often 1.5 miles long.  And I try to go swim laps at least once or twice a week, and often do close to a mile every time.  So I'm not worried at all about getting the walking and swimming parts done, but 112 miles!!! Are you serious!!  What are these iron man people thinking?? They do this all in one day!!  This week I have biked twice, and man it's tough even just on a stationary bike.  But I like this challenge, and I'm a competitive person so I'm hoping having this challenge will help me push myself.  Today was the first day of the challenge so I started off with a bang, I walked Prim for 1.5 miles and then I went to the gym where I ran into my SIL Noelle who was there to do a family Zumba, so I joined them for the last 15 min and then biked 7 miles which was TOUGH! But I watched 2 episodes of The Wonder Years on Netflix and that made it easier for sure!

Well as if 1.5 miles walking and 7 miles biking and a little Zumba wasn't enough, I decided to walk/jog another 1.5 miles on the treadmill.  As I mentioned in one of my previous posts, I have a goal to run a 5k, so I've sorta started training for that some day.  I downloaded the C25K app and while I can't do even the week 1 workouts, I modify the workout to make it work for me, it will take me longer than the program says it will take but baby steps right! So all in all in my first day of the challenge I did 7 miles biking and 3 miles walking/jogging.  Tomorrow I plan to bike another 7 miles and swim at least 20 laps, also I'll probably take Prim on a mile walk.  Needless to say I'll be pretty tired this next month!

Ok now for topic number TWO! I have had a goal/ dream since before graduating from BYU-Idaho to get a graduate degree, I have a lot of interests and I had a hard time figuring out what I would want to major in.  I've often though of law school, but I don't really want to be an attorney, I just think it would be interesting to study law.  I would LOVE to get a masters in diplomacy, but the program is very competitive and not near where I am.

Since I now own a house and have to work full time I'm a bit limited in my options.  I found a program that I fell in love with, and that is a Masters of Public Administration.  I have had my eye on getting that degree for several years now, but with my current job I work 60 hours a week, at a minimum, and I just had a hard time thinking about adding anything to that schedule.

Well about 2 weeks ago I heard from someone in my church who works at Sullivan University here in Louisville that they had a grant and they were willing to give it to someone interested in going back to school.  When I saw that my interest was peaked, but I still have the scheduling issues.  I did a little research on how much it would cost me to get that degree at UofL, vs Sullivan and I found out it would cost me a ton more, so I figured, why not I'll go for it.  So I applied to Sullivan, they don't have an MPA degree, but they have a similar degree, Masters of Public Management.

It's been a bit of a whirlwind ever since, I have been talking to an admissions rep almost every day, and today I had an appointment with a financial aide advisor, and to top it all off I got this in the mail today:

So it's real guys... I'll be going back to school SEPTEMBER 28TH!!! So while I'm still looking for another job, I'm really hoping to stay at Humana because one of the things making this degree affordable (and so I don't have to take out a ton of student loans) is the tuition reimbursement program Humana offers.  But until I find something new, I will be working 60 hours a week, and I'll be doing this Iron Man challenge until Oct 11th, and I'll be going to school Online full time for the next 18 months!!

So if over the next 18 months when you see me I look a little frazzled, tired, overwhelmed, well it's because I am!  I'm certainly nervous about going back to school, I love learning and I love the competition of being in a class, but I haven't been in school for 4 years and I haven't had to challenge my brain in any way over the past 4 years.  SO I will welcome any prayers and good vibes you guys want to send my way.

So as the title of my post says, I don't think I'm living on the edge for the next year and a half, I'm living beyond the edge!! Wish me luck!!

Above is a pic of Prim emulating how I'm going to be feeling for the next 18 months :)

I'm BACK!!

Hey guys, for those of you who read this blog, you might have been wondering if I just gave up on my goal, or forgot about my blog, or maybe just dropped off the face of the planet.

No worries, none of the above happened, well maybe I kind of dropped off the face of the planet.  for the past month I've been doing a lot of traveling, first I was at my sisters house for a week helping her out with her kids... really all I did was set up my office there and worked from home while her kids did their own thing, her teenagers are the best!  And then for the last 2 weeks I've been in Utah eating as much Cafe Rio as possible, and visiting as many friends and family as I could.  I was fairly successful, but I didn't get to see my cousins Katie and Barbara and that really bummed me out.

So with all my traveling I didn't really think much about updating my blog, and honestly I was a little disappointed in myself with how much I didn't pay attention to my new goals.  I took my swimsuit with me, but never used it.  I'm comfortable now using my pool and maybe sometimes the Norton Commons YMCA pool, but going to a pool I don't know for some reason was incredibly intimidating to me.  I could have easily taken walks every day, but I didn't, I enjoyed taking naps and playing with my cute little niece Natalie.  I also ate out way too much. I did go grocery shopping when I got to Utah and bought food that I could have for breakfast and stuff, but I didn't make much effort to make good decisions for lunch and dinner.  Because of that since I've been home I've been too scared to get on a scale to see how much damage was done.



With all the things that I failed at while on vacation, that doesn't mean I've failed, or I should give up. The morning after I got back to Kentucky I sat down and did my weekly meal planning, and made a grocery shopping list, because I came back to an almost empty refrigerator (I had a stalk of celery and 2 bell peppers).  I've been doing a lot better with my goals since I got home, but it's hard for me to go from eating out a lot to not at all.  It helps that I have practically no money haha.

Not only have I worked hard to get back to eating better, I've been trying to get back to exercising, yesterday I swam 25 laps and today I walked 1.3 miles.  I'm thinking about doing this Iron Man challenge thing at the Norton Commons YMCA, it's where you complete an entire Iron Man over the course of a month.  It's only $5 to participate and that gets you a t-shirt, so any of my local YMCA member friends that want to join me I'd love support :).  And even my non-local friends if you want to join me you could just keep track of your progress at home.  I feel like the swimming part and the walking part won't be too difficult, but honestly I never bike, or use the stationary bikes so that part is going to be the hard part to fit in I think.

So guys, I'm back, I'm still figuring out this whole blog thing, I'm open to suggestions if y'all would like me to post more often, post about other things, anything like that, I'd love to hear ideas.  I'm hoping to change the look of the blog, but that may take a little time.

New Shoes and Staying Hydrated

So anyone who knows me even a little bit, and pays even minimal attention will notice I don't go ANYWHERE without my water bottle.  I honestly don't know when or why this started.  Ever since I can remember I've carried a water bottle with me every where.  I feel like it probably started when I went out to school in Rexburg Idaho right after graduating high school and discovered dry air.

Being from Kentucky I'm used to lots of humidity and when I moved out west I had the hardest time breathing and functioning without constant water.  One of my freshmen roommates joked that people from back east must have gills because having visited the east during summer she couldn't breathe because the air was too thick... I don't know how people don't just shrivel up without the humidity.

On my mission I had people always asking me why I had to have a water bottle, while I was serving in Buenos Aires Argentina and they have plenty of humidity, I was walking so much I needed to stay hydrated.  So all in all it's become just a habit to always have it with me.

Whenever I've started a new diet program or tried to get tips on how to make some changes to be healthier one of my biggest pet peeves has always been when someone tells me to drink more water... trust me I don't know how I could drink more than I already do, my water bottle isn't just for show, I fill it up fairly often!

So since I have been carrying a bottle around with me for the better part of 10 years I feel like I'm an expert on water bottles.  I've had a wide variety of different bottles, I've decided I prefer the kind that has a straw, I hate having a wide opening water bottle because without fail I always drip water all over me.  I'm not the most coordinated person (big shock I know!!). I have used bottle that claim to be drip free, unbreakable, and all kinds of claims.  But I want to let you all know I think I have found THE PERFECT water bottle.  Honestly, why else would I be writing such a long blog post about how much I love this water bottle.

My sister Trish actually told me about this, she has one just like it and loves her bottle and told me about how it really keeps drinks cold. And let me tell you how amazing this is!! I often like to sit in the sauna when I've finished my swim workouts, and because I take my water bottle every where, it comes into the sauna with me of course!  The bottle is metal and dark so it gets super hot to the point I can hardly touch it within a couple minutes of being in the sauna, but the water is always cold.  To prove this point, last Wednesday night I filled my bottle with ice and water before going to bed, and I woke up at 5am to go swimming.  It still had ice in it that morning and after I finished my swim I went to the sauna and sat in there for about 15 or 20 minutes, and by the time I came out of the sauna I had drank all the water in my bottle, but there was still ice in there from the ice I had put in there the night before!!  HOW AWESOME IS THAT!!!

Anyways if you are trying to find a way to get in more water I highly recommend carrying a water bottle with you, and if you are in the market for a new water bottle I highly recommend this one:

I got it at TJ Maxx and there are a bunch of different colors and styles.  I'm a big fan :)

Also on a slightly different note, my trusty old tennis shoes have finally bit the dust so I bought these snazzy new ones.  I went to Blue Mile and they were super friendly, they let me try on several different types of shoes and what really sold me was their return policy.  I can wear these shoes as much as I want over the next 30 days and if I decide they just aren't for me I can return them with a full refund, even if they are well worn and muddy.  I don't plan to abuse this policy, but I love that I have this option in case I realize these aren't the shoes for me.   But I hope they are because they are dang cute don't you think?

Keeping it Real

One of the most important things about changing the way I eat was I had to feel like I still had control.  I think one of the reasons I've failed at diets in the past is because of how restrictive they are.  With lists of foods I can't ever eat.  My nutritionist has always been very adamant about the fact that I shouldn't think of any food as bad food, and I can still eat whatever I want, I just need to use good portion control and still load up on veggies.

With that being said I knew I couldn't keep eating fast food with the frequency I used to, and I still needed to make fairly drastic changes.  But what I loved with the freedom she made me feel like I had was that when I did splurge and have something maybe not so healthy I didn't feel like a failure, I knew I just needed to make healthier choices throughout the rest of the day, or the next day.  One indulgent meal isn't going to do my whole lifestyle change in, and isn't going to ruin me.

I heard an analogy once, if one tire goes flat you aren't going to go and slash the other 3, that's what it is with my lifestyle change.  Just because I might go off my plan one meal or one day doesn't mean I should throw in the towel completely.

 For some reason that is something that is so hard for me to come to terms with, and some how I've had a lot of peace with over the last 2 months since I've started making these changes.  I have been anything but perfect on following the plans and goals I've set, but never once have I felt like I've strayed so far that I should just give up entirely.

Also tonight my nutritionist brought a 10lbs weight with her and had me hold it and feel how heavy it was, and just wanted me to realize I've lost more than that.  When I have so much more to lose I have a hard time realizing how awesome it is that I've lost the weight I have, and holding the 10lbs weight and knowing I've lost more than that made me realize it isn't nothing.  It was an important reminder.

Lastly there are certain foods I know I shouldn't eat very often because they just aren't the best fuel for my body, but I still miss and crave them.  One of those things I have found myself missing and craving is pizza, which was surprising to me, because I ate a ton of pizza on my mission and I remember wishing I didn't have to eat another slice.

But now that I haven't had it in a while I've been missing it.  One of the recipes Elizabeth gave me was a veggie naan pizza with a homemade pizza sauce.  I've been meaning to make it for a week or so, but I finally got some naan bread and decided tonight was the night.  I was nervous because I've never made my own pizza let alone my own pizza sauce.  But I want to let y'all know how freaking AMAZING this pizza was, I had naan as the base, the AMAZING sauce on top and then topped it with grilled zucchini, yellow squash, asparagus, and tomatoes, then topped with mozzarella cheese.  I was shocked at how mouth wateringly good it was. It was also incredibly filling.

 I'm thinking this could be my Friday night pizza meal, maybe not every Friday, but this has definitely curbed my craving for pizza and I don't think I'll feel the need or want to go out and buy some anytime soon!! If you want more detailed instructions just let me know and I'll get you the recipe :)

Gaining Courage and a few tips from a beginner.

Ready for another long one guys? J

I just want to start off by saying I have the absolute best friends and support system.  I have been so overwhelmed by the response my blog post last week got, I honestly didn’t expect many people to read or respond.  Not only did many people comment on my facebook page, but sent me personal messages, text messages or have talked to me in person.  So many people have reached out and said that they have struggled with a lot of the same things I mentioned, people I never even knew struggled with similar issues. 

Because of all the positive reinforcement I’ve received I don’t feel nearly as self conscious as I used to when I go swim.  In fact last night when I went to the pool there was a hard core swimmer in the lane next to me and I noticed he had a kick board, buoy, and some weird hand flipper things, and so when he was catching his breath I worked up the courage to ask him about how he uses those things, and guess what guys… HE WAS SUPER NICE!! He even let me use the hand flipper things, which are to help you improve your stroke, and I found my stroke is atrocious… I totally need to work on that. 

And then when he left I still had a few more laps to go and as he walked away he said goodbye and encouraged me to keep swimming.  Normally I would be way too scared to talk to someone who was such a hard core swimmer, or athlete because I’m so not anywhere close to their level… but I learned that hey they are pretty nice people and he mentioned he’s self taught and everyone has to start somewhere. 

I’ve wanted to open up about this for a while but I’ve just been so nervous, and after the response I got I wish I had said something sooner!  I had some people ask what I’m doing and to offer tips and things like that.  Well I’m certainly not qualified in the least, but I thought I’d give a few points of things that I have changed in the past almost 2 months to make changes in the way I live my life.

First I have known for a while I needed to make a change, I was unhappy with my life and the way I was treating my body, but I didn’t really know where to start on my own and I didn’t really want to start.  When you are making changes like this you can’t be successful unless it’s something you really want. 

I’ve had many people encourage me to make healthier choices but I was always resistant to them because even though my brain knew I needed to make changes, my heart wasn’t in it yet.  I hope that makes sense.  I don’t know what changed in my heart, and I honestly don’t know what my over all motivation is, I just had something click one day that hey it’s now or never. 

Just about the time that my heart and brain clicked together I met my dietician.  The ward I was living in split, and due to the split and reorganization of boundaries she ended up in my ward and did a relief society activity about healthy foods.  I was really interested in learning more and talking to her but I was too shy so I didn’t say anything that night.  I can’t remember if it was the next day, or the day after but I got an email from my sister in law about a member of the church who is a dietician who was looking for new clients, turns out it was the same person in my ward.  This got me thinking about it more and more and I mentioned it to my mom and we decided that together we would meet with her and see what we thought. 

I was nervous about meeting with a dietician because like I mentioned in my last post I’ve been on a million diets and due to that I have had experiences of sitting down with a nutritionist and they would just hand me a sheet of foods to eat, that more often than not were foods I didn’t like; and then they would mostly just criticize what I had eaten the last week.

 I wasn’t interested in something like that. I’m not sure what other dieticians are like but Elizabeth is nothing like that at all. She sat down with us and asked what we wanted out of the experience and what we would like to learn.  So far she has given us some amazing recipes, meal plans, helped us walk through a grocery store and find healthy foods, and tonight we even cooked veggies together. 

I feel much more confidant when it comes to preparing healthy meals and making better choices.  That doesn’t mean I do it all the time, and I’m still struggling with the idea of planning ahead for potential “danger” situations where I may be out and about and get hungry, but hey Rome wasn’t built in a day right.

Something else I have found helpful, like I mentioned she gave me a meal plan but it isn’t a strict Monday you eat this, she just gave me a list of break fast ideas, snack, lunch etc. So what I do once a week I sit down and I plan out my entire week of meals.  I then make sure I have everything to make those meals, and I even have started coming up with back up plans when I’m making new meals in case I end up not liking them.  This is huge, I don’t always stick to the plan 100% but because I have this plan, and I then pin it to my refrigerator I never wonder what I’m going to make for dinner, I always know and I have a plan.  I think this is key so I don’t end up in a situation where I have no idea what to do so I just go out to eat instead.

So anyways those are a few of the things I’ve done to change my relationship with food.  It’s a long journey, and I’m just at the very beginning.  But what I love about it is I’m learning to not be overly critical of myself when I do stumble, or when my plans don’t turn out exactly how I planned them.